It’s been a little while since I’ve been in touch. Life seems to have been rather full lately, and not without ups and downs, and somehow the months have flown by!

But it’s lovely to be back in your inbox.

I’ve been thinking about how quickly things can change when something doesn’t go quite the way we expected. Even something relatively small can throw us off course more than we’d like.

You know those days when you think you know exactly how things are going to go... and then something happens that changes everything?

When Life Doesn’t Go to Plan

Someone cancels at the last minute. The car won’t start when you’re already running late. An unexpected bill lands just when you thought you were getting on top of things. Someone makes an offhand comment — and for some reason it gets under your skin. Plans you were really looking forward to fall through. Or you get news you simply weren’t expecting.

And suddenly, the day you thought you were going to have isn’t the day you’re having at all.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes it’s not even the thing that causes the most stress. It’s everything that starts going on in your head afterwards.

“What am I going to do now?”

“Why did this happen?”

“I really can’t deal with this today.”

And before you know it, you’re not just dealing with what happened. You’re dealing with everything you’re afraid might happen because of it.

So what can you do when life doesn’t go to plan?

First, give yourself a minute

You don’t have to sort everything out immediately.

If you’re upset, disappointed, angry or worried, acknowledge it. There’s nothing particularly spiritual about pretending you’re fine when you’re not.

You might simply say, “I’m really disappointed about this.”

Or, “This has really upset me.”

Sometimes just naming what you’re feeling takes some of the intensity out of it.

And then, when you’re ready, ask yourself:

What actually happened — and what has my mind started telling me about it?

Perhaps the meeting was cancelled. That’s what happened.

But maybe your mind has already moved on to:

“Nobody values my time. Nothing ever works out for me. The whole week is ruined.”

Perhaps what’s upsetting you isn’t only that the meeting was cancelled. Maybe it’s made you feel that your time doesn’t matter. Or perhaps it’s brought up an old feeling of being overlooked.

It can be really helpful to notice the difference between what happened and everything that’s going on inside you because of what happened.

Come back to what you can do

When something unexpected happens, there will usually be things you can control and things you can’t.

You can’t control someone else’s decision.

You can’t undo the phone call.

You can’t make yesterday different.

And you certainly can’t control everything that might happen tomorrow.

But what can you do now?

Perhaps there’s a phone call you can make.

Perhaps you need to change your plans.

Perhaps you need to ask someone for help.

Perhaps you need to sleep on it before making a decision.

And sometimes the wisest thing you can do is make yourself a cup of tea, sit down for ten minutes and recognise that this doesn’t have to be sorted out this minute.

Don’t try to solve tomorrow today

This is something I think many of us do.

Something unexpected happens and within minutes we’re mentally six months down the road, imagining all the things that could possibly go wrong.

One thought leads to another and suddenly we’re worrying about problems that don’t even exist yet.

But you don’t have to deal with something that hasn’t happened.

Come back to today.

Ask yourself:

“What do I actually need to deal with right now?”

And then:

“What can wait?”

There’s often much less to deal with in the present moment than our worried thoughts would have us believe.

And remember that God is already there

Sometimes we pray for God to sort everything out and put our plans back the way they were.

I know I’ve certainly wanted Him to do that!

But perhaps there’s another prayer we can pray:

“Lord, this isn’t what I expected. What do You want me to do with it?”

Or maybe all you can manage right now is:

“Lord, I didn’t see this coming. I don’t know what to do with it yet. Help me.”

And that’s a prayer too.

Because although this may have taken you by surprise, it hasn’t taken God by surprise.

You may not understand what He’s doing. You may not even be able to see anything good in the situation right now.

That’s okay.

Trust doesn’t mean having all the answers.

Sometimes trust simply means knowing who you’re walking with when you don’t know where the road is going.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

Proverbs 3:5

Your Five Minute Life Coach

If something unexpected has happened recently, take five minutes, make yourself a cuppa if you can, and sit with these questions for a little while:

What actually happened?

How am I feeling about it?

What has my mind started telling me about what it means?

What can I do something about today?

What am I trying to control that I need to give to God?

And finally:

What’s the next small step?

You don’t need to have everything figured out.

Deal with what’s in front of you. Leave tomorrow where it belongs. And trust God with the bits you can’t see yet.

Sometimes that’s enough for today.

A little taste of coaching...

You've just experiences a little taste of the coaching process — slowing things down, looking a little deeper and giving yourself space to notice what’s really going on.

It’s amazing how well-timed questions can help us see something we hadn’t noticed before or look at a situation from a completely different perspective.

I’m going to be running my Christian Life Coach Training live again soon, so I thought I’d mention it becuase I know some of you have been waiting for me to offer the training live again.

You don’t have to be thinking about becoming a life coach for the training to be useful.

Some people use what they learn in their own lives. Some find it changes the conversations they have with family and friends. Some use the skills in church, ministry or work. And, of course, some do go on to work as a coach.

I think one of the lovely things about learning to coach is that, while you’re learning how to help other people, you inevitably start noticing things in your own life too.

If you’d like to have a look and see whether it might be for you,

👉 you'll find details and some free training here:

And if something in today’s email has particularly spoken to you, you’re welcome to hit reply and tell me. I love hearing from you.

Until next time,

Lynne

P.S. If you'd like to be more connected, I share daily encouragement, faith-filled reflections and practical coaching thoughts over on Facebook:

👉 Lynne Lee Christian Life Coaching